and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
