What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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