I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
