i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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