I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Will you blow on my dice?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i've created a new STD.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
