i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
