I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
