another moral hangover. fuck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
