I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
May the power of my ass compel you!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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