if you like me you must not know who I am
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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