walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
