nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
