I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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