if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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