Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
