he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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