I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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