just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
