Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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