my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
