I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
