Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
