Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
