i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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