Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
