he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
