I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
