It's Friday. Sex?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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