I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
