Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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