i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
