My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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