We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
