Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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