There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I sprained my soul last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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