Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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