wakey wakey hands off snakey
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
