gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
