ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
