Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
