oh god the rape fog is back!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Randomize
