Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
