So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
