hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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