Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
