I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
