i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
