The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
