I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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