i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
